there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
