so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
