Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
