Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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