I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
