I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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