Me. At least after what I've been through.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
