Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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