Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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