My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
