Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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