I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
