dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
