still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
