does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
