i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
