WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
