Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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