I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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