Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
