We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
