these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
