lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
