youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
