i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
