Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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