Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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