Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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