totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
