Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
