i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
