I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
