How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
