yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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