guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
