Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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