I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
