I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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