I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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