I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
