You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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