I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
