They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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