You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
