I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
