Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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