I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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