I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
