SEEEEXXX PLEASE
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
