I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
