one word: firstdatebathroomanal
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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