If that was your dad, he is hot
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
