is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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