She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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