Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
