Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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