I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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