Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
