God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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