guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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