In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Small penises have feelings too.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
