Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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