You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
