She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
