Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
