He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
