i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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