So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
